5 Whip Lashes - Text

[theshinjukucroc]

Beandick's Magical Adventures to Find His Balls

Once upon a time there lived a shitty guy named Beandick. He was thin as a pole and everyone's bitch. It was easy to do since one kick sent him flying for miles. It left him crying all the time and not even crap like Air Trek could make him feel better. Still, he couldn't fight them off because Beandick was missing something very important and had been all his life.

His balls.

Everyone else who ganged up on him had them. Even the girls. Why he got to be the only one without made no sense to him. But he decided that he should go find his.

So Beandick set out on a magical quest all by himself. And the first place he went was to go talk to a powerful soldier of justice who was said to have the biggest balls in the land. He wanted to know how the guy had gotten so lucky. It was a two day journey to get there but he figured he could deal with some more of getting his ass kicked until then.

Off he went through the forests of Fuck You and over the river of Whispering Shit You Don't Want to Hear. It was a long journey but he finally got there. His ass was so bruised from getting it kicked so much that he couldn't stand anymore. His legs wobbled from all the walking but at least here he could talk to the great soldier with the biggest balls in history.

He was amazed by the soldier and stared at him for an hour before the guy finally got up and kicked him in the face.

"What do you want, shithead?"

"I want to know where to find balls. I need them so I'll stop getting my ass kicked."

The soldier stared at him then burst out laughing. "You won't find them. You have to be born with them. So you were born without balls and will never have any."

Beandick couldn't believe his ears and finally broke down crying like a little pussy. But since he was one, no one was surprised.

He spent the rest of his life as everyone's bitch.

Sucks to be Beandick.

The end.

Switch to Voice

Not a bad curse.

Comments

[triessence.livejournal.com]

The plot was decent, but your story telling could use work.

[theshinjukucroc.livejournal.com]

It's been awhile since I last had to write one.

[triessence.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't have thought you ever had it in you to write, with that skull of yours so full of shit.

[theshinjukucroc.livejournal.com]

It takes a head full of shit to recognize another.

[triessence.livejournal.com]

Or someone with brains to realize how full of shit the other is.

[theshinjukucroc.livejournal.com]

When you find someone like that, let me know.

[triessence.livejournal.com]

When you get the brains to know who it is, let me know.

[theshinjukucroc.livejournal.com]

Hey, brat. You're the one following an idiot.

[triessence.livejournal.com]

Better than following you.

[theshinjukucroc.livejournal.com]

You never got your ass kicked when you were following me.

[triessence.livejournal.com]

Because I could never find a challenge, when following you.

[haring_to_go]

...

I don't think this was entirely appropriate for all audiences. And your vocabulary could use improvement.

[theshinjukucroc.livejournal.com]

I don't give a shit about the audience.

Who are you anyway?

[haring_to_go]

Then I would suggest you keep your literary creations private rather then posting them for all to see. Especially as you... do not care for the audience.

[ ahem ] And I am Liam Lunette. May I inquire after your own name?

[theshinjukucroc.livejournal.com]

Kaito Wanijima.

And this is a curse. There's no point in keeping it private.

[haring_to_go]

Many thanks for the name. And while this may be a curse, there is still a time and a place for that kind of writing. At least put a note of warning on it, next time.

[ what if the children got a hold of this and read it? Think of all the bullying that could come of it! ]

[theshinjukucroc.livejournal.com]

It had a title.

[haring_to_go]

I'm afraid I was not entirely familiar with the terms this society uses for such things. It's... more crude then I am used to.

[ The Victorian age uses more flowery terms for such things. ]

[theshinjukucroc.livejournal.com]

Are you a man?

[haring_to_go]

I most certainly am. [ he didn't even know that was in question ]

[theshinjukucroc.livejournal.com]

A dick is your penis. Balls are the things dangling behind it. [Sex Ed with Kaito.]

[aettir.livejournal.com]

Don't quit your day job.

[theshinjukucroc.livejournal.com]

Don't be such good source material then.

[aettir.livejournal.com]

You being a shitty writer's got nothing to do with me.

[theshinjukucroc.livejournal.com]

You're a good source material for shit.